A Time to be Grateful...

It’s the month of November and we all know what that means. It’s a time to be grateful! I have a lot of blessings in my life, but if I’m being completely honest, this past year I’ve had trouble recognizing them. 

It’s easy to get in a rut.. and say “woe is me”. I guess I’ve been given trials that I feel aren’t fair, or wonder why others are given easier ones (or so it appears). In case you’re wondering what “trials” I’m talking about, here they are. My anxiety and depression have pushed me to my limits, causing me physical and emotional pain over the last almost two years now. I’ve struggled with it my whole life, but postpartum things went to a whole new level. I always wonder when this aspect of my life will ease up. My son was born with hearing loss, something I wish I was easier to accept, but still to this day it hurts my heart to think about. There are many trials I face, these are just a few. I don’t share to draw attention to myself, but to help you connect the dots with the rest of my post. 

I asked my very intelligent husband a while back some deep questions. Why are some people given trials that are more difficult then others? Why are some people never given the blessings they so deserve? His answer was to go to scripture and talks given by prophets and apostles. Then, pray about it. So there went nothing. I dove right in. 

Well actually, I didn’t dive right in. It was handed to me on a silver platter. (A blessing I didn’t realize until later) conference came last month. And there were several talks given that I felt were speaking to me, but two of them in particular. Elder Hallstrom gave a talk titled “Has the day of miracles ceased?” Here’s my favorite parts from the talk...

“Often we describe a miracle as being healed without a full explanation by medical science or as avoiding catastrophic danger by heeding a clear prompting. However, defining a miracle as “a beneficial event brought about through divine power that mortals do not understand” gives an expanded perspective into matters more eternal in nature. This definition also allows us to contemplate the vital role of faith in the receipt of a miracle. A critical question to ponder is “Where do we place our faith?” Is our faith focused on simply wanting to be relieved of pain and suffering, or is it firmly centered on God the Father and His holy plan and in Jesus the Christ and His Atonement? Faith in the Father and the Son allows us to understand and accept Their will as we prepare for eternity. Today I testify of miracles. Being a child of God is a miracle. Receiving a body in His image and likeness is a miracle. The gift of a Savior is a miracle. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is a miracle. The potential for eternal life is a miracle.”

This talk helped me realize it’s time to swallow my pride. It’s time to accept my trials, to embrace them. To ALLOW them to help me grow as a person. I wish I could take my son’s, my family’s, my own afflictions both physical and emotional. And I will continue to pray for them to be taken, but until they do I will do my best to accept them and allow them to help me be better. So grateful for this talk. 

The other talk that made a big impact on me was at women’s conference by President Uchtdorf called “three sisters”. The first sister was Sad, the second sister was Mad, and the third sister was Glad. 

“The glad sister, Unlike her sad and mad sisters, she was--well, glad. And it wasn’t because she was smarter or more beautiful or more capable than her sisters. No, people sometimes avoided or ignored her too. They sometimes made fun of what she was wearing or the things she was saying. They sometimes said mean things about her. But she did not allow any of that to bother her too much.” 

What I took from this talk is despite your circumstances, you CAN be happy. It’s not easy and it takes work- a lot of work. But it’s worth it. Being sad or angry day in and day out will not benefit you in any way, so why not focus on the GOOD? 

So, today my heart is full! I have a beautiful little boy, a patient and loving husband, and all the love in the world. I believe you can be more grateful if you change your state of mind. Positive thinking will lead to a positive life. Focus on the GOOD, and you’ll start realizing there’s so much more good then you thought! If you made it to the end of this post, thanks for reading. I’m blessed beyond measure by each and every one of you! 

The BEST Daddy

Father's day is this weekend, and it has made me reflect back on the wonderful dad Garrett is to our Keaton.

The night I started having labor pains, Garrett stayed up with me from about midnight until 4 am when we decided to head to the hospital. He rubbed my back and talked me through contractions. He timed them on his phone and stayed calm for me. At the hospital He was awake by my side the whole time, anxious to meet our sweet little boy. I remember after 3 hours of pushing, He walked over to our brand new baby and turned around to look at me and said, "He's perfect". It's like I could see his heart explode by the look on his face. That was the best, being able to see him become a dad.

And from that moment on, he has been nothing short of the best dad ever. Keaton was born in the middle of Garrett's school semester. Gar was working full time and going to school full time. It was HARD on him, getting no sleep and then going to 14 hour work days. I did my best to let him sleep and I would take the night shift, but a lot of the times he would come into Keaton's room and say "I can't sleep, I just want to help". That's the kind of man he is, loving, caring, and gentle. He is my literal angel, my saving grace. I don't know how he did it with everything on his plate, but I could not be more grateful and blessed that he is ours. Luckily those sleepless nights came to an end!

Garrett is not only an amazing dad, but an amazing husband. There is nobody in this world that can comfort me the way he can. He knows just what to say and just how to make me feel better. I am so grateful for his patience with me. It can be very hard to deal with my anxieties as a mom.  It is a constant battle not just for me, but for him. He wants me to be happy, and that's why I love him so much.

Keaton LOVES his daddy! He gets a huge smile on his face when he walks through the door, and wants to show dad all his toys and play basketball with him. Every time I watch them play together my heart melts. I know Garrett will be a great example to Keaton throughout his whole life. we are SOOO lucky to have him! Happy Father's day!

The last 6 months in review...

Being a mom keeps me busy! I am just now getting around to a blog post, and I am going to tell you all about our last 6 months.

In December, Keaton celebrated his first Christmas! We had a great one. We spent Christmas eve at the Kundis House, and did our traditional German dinner. I love the many traditions that we do at their house. This year we wore ugly sweaters. Christmas morning we headed to my parents house, and opened our gifts! We are so fortunate to have 2 sets of parents who spoil us rotten. We love you, and thank you for another Christmas for the books!! Keaton got a "big boy carseat" for Christmas. It is a graco 4 ever car seat and we love it! It converts down all the way to a booster seat, so we won't have to buy another car seat for a long long time!

Keaton turned one year old on January 22nd, 2017. We had our immediate family over to our condo for a fun little party.  He loves dogs, so the party was a dog theme. We enjoyed hot "dogs" "pawsta" salad, "toilet water" (which was ocean water from sonic) and puuupcakes. We had a great time doing a cake smash, opening gifts and visiting. I still can't believe my baby is now a toddler! The first year of his life was the hardest and greatest year of mine. I learned what true unconditional love is, and I grew to have a greater appreciation for all mothers. I love you, my little one year old!!!

February We celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary. I can't believe it has been 4 years! We got to get away for a night, and stayed at the anniversary inn. My parents watched Keaton. Thank you mom and dad! I love my husband so much. Over the past 4 years he has been my strength. He knows me very well, he can read me like a book. I know my Heavenly Father placed him in my life for a reason. It takes a special kind of person to put up with my crazy ;)

March we had our fundraiser for my Aunt Rachel. In December,  she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. This was a shock to our whole family. My mom organized a fundraiser for her as many medical expenses are expected. We did a silent auction and many items were donated. I believe we raised roughly $9,000! It was a huge success. I am so grateful for my Aunt and her wonderful example. Although she has cancer, she is often the one comforting us, when it should be us comforting her. She smiles through her pain, and she has persevered through so many horrific days as chemo has taken a huge toll on her body. I believe God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. Rachel is the STRONGEST! I love you forever!!

April we celebrated Easter. We spent time at the Kundis house and grandma put an easter egg hunt together for Keaton. We enjoyed funeral potatoes (one of gar's favorites) and ham. Keaton loved spending time with his cousins. I can tell he is going to look up to them so much in his life! We spent some time at my parents as well, dyed easter eggs and ate lots of food. I'm so grateful for the Savior's resurrection!

So far this month we traveled to Zion's national park and celebrated Rachel's birthday. It is so beautiful there! It was nice to have a change of scenery. We woke up to buffalo right on the other side of the fence from our cabin. Thank you to my great Aunt Shari and Uncle Bruce for allowing us to stay in your beautiful cabin! We loved every minute of it.

I have had a few people ask me about Keaton's hearing aids. Recently we got them and so far he has been doing great with them! He pulls them out occasionally but it's to be expected. For those of you who don't know, Keaton was born with a mild hearing loss. He can hear everything you say without hearing aids, but has trouble hearing certain consonants, such as "sss" or "ccc". We chose to get him hearing aids so that he can develop his speech well. His hearing aids now are noticeable, which is just fine, but eventually when he gets older he will be able to wear a pair that is more discrete. As Keaton's parents we want him to be proud of his hearing aids, so that he is not embarrassed to wear them. We will let him pick out his own colors when he is old enough, and we hope that he will be proud to wear them. As a mom you wish you could take away your child's trials, but unfortunately that's just not how it works. I will always do my best to help Keaton through his trials and help him to know he is PERFECT just as he is! Plus, he looks soo cute in his little blue hearing aids.

Keaton is growing more and more each day. He loves to walk, he loves bob the builder (He sings the theme song). His favorite food at the moment is goldfish, he says ball, dog, baba, dada, mama, dandad (grandad), and bob. He loves to throw his ball, likes being outside, likes to chase people, loves to wave, and loves to stack his blocks. He makes us so happy!

Thankful...

In the spirit of thanksgiving I'm here posting about things I'm grateful for.

This semester for Garrett has been a tough one. As many of you know, Garrett has a full time job and attends his classes at nights. Most nights he isn't home until late, and when he does get home he has homework, and has even been pulling overtime at work since it is their busy season. He always holds it together so well. Sometimes i ask myself, "why am I not working? I feel lazy. I feel like I'm not helping when I'm fully capable." But other times I think, "wow, I really wish I could just talk to another adult and not do baby talk all day" or "somebody please take my baby so that I can just go pee in peace." I guess what I'm saying is, if you are a working mom or a stay at home mom, either way you are doing good. They each have their downfalls and they each have their bonuses, but all we can do is be grateful for our situation, whatever it may be. So today I am choosing to be grateful for my hard working husband who gives his all, and the opportunity I have to spend my days with my sweet boy.

Another thing I am grateful for is my trials. I heard a talk once that related our trials to a card game, we never know what card we are going to be dealt. What we do know is .. "God did not remove the Red Sea, he opened it: He will help us find a way through our problems as well."  We can't ask the dealer to give us a new card. We are stuck with what we get. But no matter what, just hold on! Keep holding on. Our loving Heavenly Father will never leave us. We will grow from our trials. 

Lastly, I am grateful for my eternal family. I am incomplete without them. If I had to list everything I am grateful for I would be here for days... I hope you all have a wonderful thanksgiving and enjoy your families!! Love you all!! 

A day in the life...

So I'm wayy behind on my blogging so I'm just gonna wing this and see how it goes.. :) 

Keaton is 8 months old! He's growing like a weed. I feel so lucky to be able to stay home with him and watch him grow. So, what do we do every day you might ask? Well, most mornings Keaton wakes up between 8 and 9.   We always watch good things Utah, followed by the view (I hate the view, Whoopie and Joy Behar are so liberal it drives me crazy but for some reason I still watch it). By that time, it's usually time for morning nap around 11.  When Keaton naps, I usually do laundry, take a shower, or every once in a while take a nap myself.:) After nap time we usually try to get out of the house. Either we go on a walk, go to target, or drop by grandma's. I'm really glad my family is so close, especially on Garrett's long days, it keeps me sane. The night time routine is a bath around 8:30, bottle then bed. He usually sleeps til about 7, has a bottle and then sleeps another hour or two, which I am loving. He used to sleep for only three hours at a time. Every day is a little different, but every day is fun with my boy! 

Every Tuesday and Thursday are Gar's long days. He goes to work til 5 and then school til 8. I don't know how he does it! He makes me so proud to be his wife. Monday afternoons I have been working. It's really nice to get out and make some money while doing it. Plus, I really love who I work with. They are great friends! By the time Friday rolls around, I am singing hallelujah. Saturday mornings are the best, we just lay around in Jammie's most of the time and have a big breakfast (thanks to Garrett and his great cooking skills) 

Keaton is the light of our lives! He makes us laugh and smile all the time. Right now his favorite things are eating carrots, giggling at grandad, playing the piano (thanks to uncle Matt) playing at grandma and grandpa Kundis's with his favorite toy, going on walks, the list could go on and on! 

We've done lots of fun things in the last few months. We had a few family reunions over the summer. My family moved here, Megan graduated high school. We went to St George and had a great time! There is nothing better then laying by a pool with no agenda. We went to a tuachan show which was really fun! We had the opportunity to see my cousin Makalie be sealed to Jordan in the Payson temple. I love being in the temple and seeing loved ones be able to receive those blessings as well. We welcomed Uncle Josh home from his mission. We are so proud of him and we love having him around. His positive attitude makes us all much happier. We were lucky to have aunt meggy live with us for a few months before she moved to provo. Keaton lights up every time he sees her. We spent time with family and welcomed Annie and Kevin back to Utah. We love having little Ari (Keaton's cousin) here to play with Keaton. I love having Annie close by to spend time with too! We welcomed another cousin to the family less then a month ago, baby Oliver. He is a cutie! I've spent some time crafting, although it's much more difficult to do when you have a child haha. Keaton and I love going to see uncle scotty when he gets out of school. We've done so many fun things I can't name them all!

Last weekend we had the chance to listen to our Prophet and apostles speak. My favorite talk was by Russell M Nelson "Joy and Spiritual Survival".  "Life is filled with detours and dead ends, trials and challenges of every kind. Each of us has likely had times when distress, anguish, and despair almost consumed us. Yet we are here to have joy? Yes! The answer is a resounding yes!" Sometimes I get so caught up in feeling sorry for myself and the trials my Heavenly Father has given me. But we have to remember our "afflictions are but a small moment". I need to focus more on the blessings in life, and that will bring me the greatest joy! I know the only true way to happiness is through living the gospel and living a Christ centered life. I love conference because there always seems to be a talk that speaks to my heart and lifts my spirits.

The last 8 months of my life have been amazing. Hard, but amazing. After Keaton, I experienced postpartum depression that was difficult to overcome. I still struggle. But one thing I've learned, is God will not place any trial in front of you that you cannot handle. He will provide a way! He loves us, He is aware of our every struggle, He will never leave us. Motherhood is the most sacred calling on earth. My Heavenly Father trusted me, ME, to be a mother. How blessed I am! How important I feel to my Savior. All you mom's out there, remember how precious you are in the sight of God. You are so loved! 

Til my next random blog post, love you all!